Reminders. (29-1-2017)

1-You don't have to struggle in silence. And when you decide not to. you don't have to go for the stranger. You don't have to fear being a burden, or a dead weight. Your friend will hold your hand and tell you you'll be okay. And you will be.

2- Growth is tough. It doesn't come with flowers behind it's back. It comes with ache, it comes with mourning. But just like a flower grows out of the dirt, you grow out of the darkness. You become more graceful with each heartache.

3- You're significant, no matter how big of a place the world feels for you, no matter how tiny, or how unobserved you think you are. Your worth doesn't lie in your achievements. Your worth lies in your big heart and your kind eyes. You worth lies in how much you keep trying even though it gets so heavy sometimes.

4- Your feelings are valid. If you sway between happy and sad three times a week, it's still valid. If you sway between happy and sad two times a day, it's still valid.

5- Vulnerability does not equal weakness, it doesn't equal fragile. Vulnerability is human. It's okay to wear your heart on your sleeve. It's okay to scream. It's okay to cry

6- You're not alone, and even though alone sometimes feels like the only thing you can ever be, it's not. And even if it closes down on you to the point of suffocation sometimes. Remember that somewhere, someone is reaching their hands out for you, someone is willing to talk you through your stormy nights, someone is willing to sit there and just listen to you while you lay your heart out. Just remember." 

7/1/2017

"Two writers fall in love with each other
Two writers fall in love with each other and a big bang happens.
Two writers fall in love with each other and next thing you know, there is a novel about how knees accidentally brushing under the table is just like volcanoes erupting.
Two writers fall in love with each other, and their finger entwining make prose, and books are written based on the silent glances that pass between them.
Two writers fall in love, and their heartbeats are immortalized in words more breathtaking than any music, they write about each others' eyes and all of a sudden sunsets can't even compare.
Two writers fall in love, he makes her a goddess among mortals, she writes to him like he's an alter and her words are a prayer.
Two writers fall in love, and they breathe poetry into each others' mouth when they kiss, making love is writing sonnets on each others' skin.
Two writers fall in love with each other and they're each others' muse, their fingertips drip poetry like there's no escape from their overflowing words.

Two writers fall out of love with each other.
Two writers fall out of love with each other and the world crumbles down.
Two writers fall out of love, and you know words leave worse bruises than fists.
Two writers fall out of love, and the words are spit out of their mouths like poison, like sharpened daggers, except that they hurt more.
They say that when a writer falls in love with you you can never die,
but two writers fall out of love with each other, and no one comes out alive."

28/12/2016

Unsolicited advice to lonely people with demons on their backs and voices in their heads. (After Jeanann Verlee)
When someone asks you why you're so quiet, smile. 
When your friend asks why you've been pushing her away, tell her that you're not. 
When you find yourself on the edge of collapsing at 3 am; do not tell anyone, you don't want to seem desperate. 
When you find yourself on the edge of collapsing at 3 am and you really need someone; don't talk to the same person twice, because again. you don't want to seem desperate.

When someone asks you why you're so quiet, smile.
When you're in a place and you start feeling like you're background noise, leave.
When your chest aches because it's crashing under the weight of your demons, call for help, scream, cry, paint the walls black. 
When the voices in your head come from every corner, shrill and unforgiving, scream louder. 



When someone asks you why you're so quiet, smile.
When your friend asks you why you've been pushing her away, tell her that you're sorry,  tell her that you've been busy keeping the monsters at bay. 
When you find yourself on the edge of collapsing at 3 am, run for the phone, do not run for the blade, or the window, or the pills.
When you find yourself on the edge of collapsing at 3 am and you really need someone, call someone. Tell them you need them. It's okay to be desperate. 


When someone asks you why you're so quiet, smile. They do not know about the demons. 

7/12/2016

I used to think that heartbreak only came in the shape of a boyfriend breaking up with you,  but I learned the hard way that heartbreak knocks your door dressed up in all shapes. I learned the hard way that friend break your heart, too.  My heart broke when I overheard two people saying that homosexuals should be killed. My heart broke when my friend came crying her heart out to me about how much she's scared of going to hell, about how much she fears God, about how much she thinks of putting the razor to her skin but the only thing stopping her is the thought of hell., not hope, not the dream of things getting better, not love, hell. My heart breaks every time someone speaks about something that makes them feel alive with a low voice out of fear of being mocked. My heart breaks everyday because cruelness is considered the norm.  My heart breaks when kindness is enfolded in apologies for being "cheesy". My heart breaks and breaks at how we became fluent in the language of war and hate, at how the word peace rolls on our tongues like an empty promise. My heart breaks  I  also learned that heartbreaks aren't always terrible when I felt that ache in my chest while watching a sunset, I felt like my heart was breaking itself on purpose so maybe this time at least it could be broken for something beautiful and raw.

14-5-2014

I’m scared. Scared of forgetting you, of being left with only the fading memory of your importance without knowing why..

All the material things I know how to keep - a paper you once wrote, a picture, a drawing, those are kept safe and sound, I’m not worried about them. The metaphysical ones are the once I’m scared for. The many specific moments you and I used to share - your fingers touching the tips of mine, your sleepy voice on the phone, your hand entwined in my hand, and the day before you left for good. Those are slipping away from me, like water slipping through my fingers. And the more I try to hold on to them, the faster they run away. 

I am scared, scared because I’m only left with fading memories and my feeble attempt to have something of you to hold on to.

I may forget all the memories, but I don’t think I can ever forget you, you’re engraved in my brain. I miss you.